Pirates Ahoy

Where do sober people go? The cinema?
I'd like a ticket for the Thursday morning showing of Star Trek. Is Thursday morning off peak? I don't know. You don't know? I'll ask my supervisor. He didn't think so. Thursday morning. Not off-peak. Okay. So when actually is off....don't bother.
This evening's tickets. Popcorn and coke. Fifteen whole pounds. Or five pints of beer. Stay strong Chubby.
Hand ticket to the next guy. Walk to whatever screen but don't have drinking straw. Go back get straw. Two minutes have passed. Maximum. Walk back toward screens. Guy is asking for the ticket again? I shown you already. I need to see it. It's not that busy. Surely you remember me from just now? I need to see the ticket. You are walking through a mandatory identification checkpoint. A What? A mandatory identification checkpoint. No joke. Straight faced. A what? I ain't trying to cross into South Korea. This is the Odeon Guildford not the DMZ right?
State of Play. Certificate 12A. So why am I sitting next to a three year old? Why would you bring a three year old to the movies? Twenty minutes in and the kid's bored, grizzly and smells.
Ewan McGregor got $7million per Star Wars film. $21million 'wooden' dollars. From Renton to smug bastard on a bike. I choose another life.
You buy a DVD in one country you can't play it in the next. You pay for Sky you still got to a buy a BBC license. Do you receive a rebate each time a programme is repeated? Or rubbish? Daytime telly is not fit for purpose. Unless of course the purpose is to bore the lazy and inept back to work. I want my money back. And now they are thinking to charge for the iplayer as non-license payers have access to content online. I go months without renewing my license. Right up to receiving the second hand written, hand delivered warning. Then I buckle. Maybe next year.
So the next time you got dodgy Chinese DVDs for sale I'll buy them. All of them. And I will download torrents and share files. I will watch movies online, burn copies to disc and share them all. 'THEY' say piracy funds terrorism. No. 'THEY' fund terrorism.
Less of the suffering. More of the buffering...